Welcome to The Unquiet Mind
The day we are born we enter this world with our eyes tightly shut or presumably wide open. Either opened or closed each of us is born with an invisible sense of uncertainty. The tears and newborn gaze will tell you exactly how a baby is feeling. At least that’s what I believe. With a piercing gaze and tears to follow our first recognition besides mom or dad is, what is this?
That’s exactly how I felt when my Neurologist told me, “you have MS.” All of a sudden, my confidence, & assuredness in the direction of my life disappeared. I was certain that moving to Washington, DC, landing a “good job with benefits, (isn’t that what most parents say) enrolling in graduate school & eventually entering into a doctoral program would set me sailing. Oh, not to mention finding the right partner living happily ever after with him. Little did I know May 23rd, 2000, my life would never follow the path I laid so perfectly. It’s comical when I think back because life now looks does not look anything close to an ever after or PhD!
You see Multiple Sclerosis will do that. It will deliver uncertainty on a silver platter in a matter of seconds; depending on how fast your doctor says this maniacal three words {you have MS..ahhh}.
Let me explain medically what MS is all about, taken from the Mayo Clinic’s website:
Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a potentially disabling disease of the brain and spinal cord (central nervous system).
In MS, the immune system attacks the protective sheath (myelin) that covers nerve fibers and causes communication problems between your brain and the rest of your body. Eventually, the disease can cause permanent damage or deterioration of the nerves.
Signs and symptoms of MS vary widely and depend on the amount of nerve damage and which nerves are affected. Some people with severe MS may lose the ability to walk independently or at all, while others may experience long periods of remission without any new symptoms.
Cue newborn baby gaze & what is that look!! I believe I may have looked at my doctor as if she were speaking in tongues because none of that made sense to my 25-year-old brain, where my prefrontal cortex had just fully reached maturation.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/#__sec19title
Initially I could only relate neurological disease to Parkinson’s. I remember saying, you mean I’ll be like Janet Reno?
https://www.justice.gov/ag/bio/reno-janet
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janet_Reno
Needless to say, I had a LOT or reading ahead of about MS and what was to come.
For many years I sat with uncertainties; will I be in a wheelchair, will someone want to marry me knowing I have this disease, how long will I be independent, what does life look like, who AM I?
Most of my fears and insecurities have passed but truthfully that little MS helper likes to tap me on my shoulder from time to time. Yes, MS sends its troops out, would you like to know some of their names? Burden, depression, anxiety, mood swings, anger, uncertainty…there are many but for now I will keep the list short :).
I have much more to say but for now sit back and enjoy the new website! I’m really excited to be launching a NEW podcast and bringing fantastic content to your eyes & ears. (I promise uncertainty is NOT invited to this fiesta!)
Love & light to all!
Dawn
